Thursday, 19 November 2015

Simfoni Hitam - Sherina

Do you know why I really love this song? Because this song not only told the story about love but it also about life. This song is the first rank in my heart forever. Whenever I listened to this song, do you know what's on my mind? Ah, this song. This song reminded me to the hardest life I ever had. When I had to my dream go. When I made my mom had her hardest life. When I separated my mom and my brother. When I was too blind with my ambitious dreams and made people around me having their hard time to support me. When I saw, still, I see the anger of my mom because of everything she sacrificed for me. I can't erase this song from my heart and my mind. The lyric and the music like a gun and the bullet shoot me exactly on my heart. That's why I love this song.


Malam sunyi kuimpikanmuKulukiskan cita bersamaNamun s'lalu aku bertanyaAdakah aku di mimpimu
Di hatiku terukir namamuCinta rindu beradu satuNamun s'lalu aku bertanyaAdakah aku di hatimu
Reff:T'lah kunyanyikan alunan-alunan sendukuT'lah kubisikkan cerita-cerita gelapkuT'lah kuabaikan mimpi-mimpi dan ambisikuTapi mengapa ku takkan bisa sentuh hatimu
Bila saja kau di sisiku'Kan ku beri kau segalanyaNamun tak henti aku bertanyaAdakah aku di rindumu
Back to Reff
Tak bisakah kau sedikit saja dengar akuDengar simfonikuSimfoni hanya untukmu....
Back to Reff
T'lah kuabaikan mimpi-mimpi dan ambisikuTapi mengapa ku takkan bisa sentuh hatimu

Kelly Clarkson - Honestly Lyrics

I really love this song. It fits me well. All of the lyric is suit to someone like me #Loveless


Could you love somebody like that?
Could you attract someone like that?
Could you go where people can see someone like me?
Could you do that?

Would you face me?
Make me listen to the truth even if it breaks me?
You can judge me, love me
If you’re hating me, do it honestly

All I see are stepford-like lives
Needles and knives, beautiful lies
Bringing out the green in your eyes
Perfect disguise for envy and pride

Face me
Make me listen to the truth even if it breaks me
You can judge me, love me
If you’re hating me, do it honestly

You can tell me
You can tell me
You can tell me
You can tell me
You can tell me

Face me
Make me listen to the truth even if it breaks me
You can judge me, love me
If you’re hating me…

Would you face me?
Make me listen to the truth even if it breaks me
Judge me, love me
If you’re hating me, do it honestly

You can tell me
You can tell me
You can tell me
You can tell me
You can tell me

If you're hating me, do it honestly

You can tell me
You can tell me
You can tell me
You can tell me
You can..

Do you understand?

Don't expect someone to understand you
Because no one will do that for you, but...
You can try to understand people, and wish people will understand you, too.
That's your wish?
That's my wish, too.

I hope people would understand my situation
If I could doing all of my plans, of course I would
But, I'm only a human
Who try to understand that I'm a human who have so many limitations and problems in my life.
I try to understand so I can breathe and live my life very well.
Do you understand?

Wednesday, 18 November 2015

PS (Speaking for Acd.Purposes) My Scripts


"Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can - there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did." - Sarah Caldwell

It's never stop learning. Learning not only in terms of school or college course. But in everyday life there are always new things that we can learn. For some people who happen to have the opportunity to taste a higher education course will learn a variety of extraordinary science. And it would be amazing if they share his knowledge to people around him.

But for some people who do not have opportunities like that, does not mean learning phase is complete it at that. In daily life, there is always a "teacher" who can teach us. In fact, sometimes we can learn something valuable from people who are not suspected. Young children, parents, friends, coworkers, even strangers we do not know before.

Anyone who stops learning is old, Whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young - Henry Ford

Learning is not just sitting listening to it, or we do at school or college. Learning is not just history, sports, math, English, and others. Do we stop learning when we're not in school anymore? Do we not seek knowledge after we graduated from college?

The answer is, no. We will never stop learning. In everyday life, I am sure, we all learned something and we strive to be better and better than the day before the stock of what we have learned. No wonder the Nanyang Technology University (NTU), which incidentally is one of the world's best universities (in Singapore), has a motto LIFE = Learning Is Fun and Exciting.

One time my friend to share the experience, he told me that he learned from a scavenger that provide genuine smile at her when she got home from work. At first he was surprised to see such scavengers as he came down from the vehicle. Scavengers are seen from the top down and smiled despite irregular and dirty teeth. My friend was astonished, which initially feel tired because it had just come home from work, but the sight of a genuine smile, she smiled back at him and feel better. He became aware that the 'give' is not just material, but a sincere smile can make us a beautiful day. The lesson is simple, but worthwhile.

A leader must continue to learn. Every person we meet has the potential to learn for us. A leader, no matter what your capacity is not only determined by your position, but more of influence and relationships that you create. Never stop learning and growing, because if you stop learning and growing, your life will surely stagnate.

"When You Stop Growing, You are Dying" - Anonym

One example of learning from a leader who ever is mutualism relationship of a Bill Gates and Paul Allen. Not many know that the real figure behind the success to date is Microsoft's Paul Allen. Paul, maybe not as famous as Bill Gates, but Bill Gates is a tremendous respect and learned many life and business philosophy of the figure Paul Allen, so that they become one extraordinary team unity. Although technically Paul Allen is not much involved in the operation of Microsoft, but the de facto thought was affecting the policies Bill Gates today. Bill still continues to learn and grow to this day.

The question is, if one of the richest men in the world still continue to learn and grow, if you continue to learn and grow?

Never stop learning. Be a Lifelong student. Because "Learning Is Fun and Exciting", so we called it LIFE. Happy Learning .........! :)

#2 #FirstFriend

Lisa was my first friend in the college of study in English, and vice versa. We met when we together looked for our first class. Since then we're becoming a good friends.

Lisa, who I know is a nice girl and friendly. She really loves BLINK one of  Indonesian Girlband, especially Ify, the personel of BLINK, the reason because Ify is a pretty girl and has sweet smile, not overbearingsombong, and Ify also good at playing all sorts of instruments such as guitar and piano, and she was able to create two songs for Blink at the age of only 15 years old.

Lisa has a big obsession. She wanted to go to South Korea and go to the remote areasdaerah2 terpencil and build a school for people who can not afford in their financial, so she can be the teacher for their children, because Lisa really loves the children. She can teach there and teach the children read, write, and so on. So, she decided to college in Training Teacher and Education Faculty in Pontianak. She majored in English because she thinks the English language not only able to teach she majored in English because he thinks the English language not only able to teach in many school but studying English will give her many benefits and can interact with strangers.

when I asked her, if she gets the chance to learn English abroad, which country would become her choice? Paris is her answer, because Paris is very famous as the city of romance. In other hand, Paris is also one of big fanbase of K-Pop Lovers. Many people like the Korean language and of course they like syles of their favorite Korean idol. Lisa also likes the Korean language, but she told me that she do not know how to learn on?

Lisa was a very gentle person I know, so she was not like the guy likes lie to her, broken promises, treacherous, unfaithful, pretentious, and little bit strange like someone who the name should not be mentioned. In addition, Lisa did not like the soft and disgusting animals like worms, because it always makes a shiver of apprehension. Lisa also do not really like sports, because she feels that she is only capable of running and long jump.

I think Lisa is also very creative, especially in terms of the creation of the veil. She likes changing her hijab models. Now, it is a trend of modern Muslim hijab, but still elegant and not violate of Sharia. Lisa increasingly look beautiful and pretty with a hijab that always look beautiful and attractive.

#3 #Dream

You must be ever heard this song, “Mimpi adalah kunci untuk kita menaklukan dunia…” what the lyric said is true. A dreamer divided into two categories: 1. A dreamer whose dreams come true, and 2. A dreamer whose dreams do not come true.
We no need talking about them whose dreams come true because the situation was clear. They are happy and lucky. Today, we want to talk about people who the dreams do not come true, maybe your dreams, other people’s dream, or my dreams.
When our dreams do not come true, do we have to stop dreaming? Or we may have other dreams? And until when we keep our dreaming? How much we dreaming? How dare you dreaming.
Everyone has a dream. There’s people said “I only have one dream in my life”. For me, it is not a dream, but obsession. Obsession will be realized, and do not care by the good way or the bad one. But, dream is different, in a dream there are patience, sincerity, and love also.
When a dream do not come true, they never give up, same with people who have an obsession, but for people who have a true dream, they still can differ which one the good way to get their dream, and which one not.  They could understand the meaning of dreaming, dream is a thing that could make all people happy, not for only their happiness. They will try their best, they will do the best, but we never know the result. If the result so far from the expectation, they will never stop dreaming, because people who have a true dream, they must be have more than one dreams, because they understand the situation that they have to find another dream to make them be happy, all people happy.
People who have a dream disposed to be realistic, not mean they afraid to have a dream, it’s not, on the contrary, they never stop dreaming, even they really brave to make a dream, anything from all the things that possible until impossible thing, because they will never stop dreaming.
Don’t be afraid when our dream do not come true, that’s all because of we learn how to survive, how to never give up easily, and keep dreaming, never stop dreaming and make it happen through the good way and the wise way!!!

#4 #Cinematography

Cinematography and The Implementation in Learning

I.     Cinematography
The important role of Cinematography as a discipline of applied science. Digital Cinematography Linkages with the development of multimedia as a form of information and communication technologies. Also describes the implementation of Cinematography in the field of educational technology or learning today.

Information and communication technology (ICT) has become part of human life today. Almost all human activities will not regardless of the role of information technology. The progress of information and communication technology today has evolved so rapidly.

We will review the critical role of cinematography as one of the disciplines associated with the development of applied digital multimedia as a form of ICT today and how its implementation in the field of educational technology or learning?

Cinematography is etymologically derived from the Latin language; Kinema (motion), Photos (light), Graphos (painting / writing). So cinematography can be interpreted as a motion painting activity with help of light. According to the Meriam Webster dictionary is Cinematography Art and technology of motion-picture photography. It involves the composition of a scene, lighting of the set and actors, choice of cameras, camera angle, and integration of special effects to achieve the desired photographic images by the director.

The main element of cinematography consists of visual motion, audio, and storyline.
*      Visual motion, in the form of visual communication symbols presented. Photographic method is "without light, there is no image". Forms of communication The visuals can be both verbal and non-verbal contains the value of aesthetic, artistic, and dramatic.
*       Audio, along with the times, the cinematography is a form of product. The first audiovisual technology that combines audio and visual elements. When this element audio contributes greatly to clarify and reinforce the messages and information communications contained on the visual elements of cinematography.
*       Story Road, a cinematographic work is relatively has a universal meaning of the various audiences who see it. This is shown through a series of moving images that contain the sequence of the story.

The supporting elements in cinematography consist of settings, properties, and effects.
*        Settings, or the shooting environment. Set is an ordinance room a visual object for each scene. Is an element of good storyline amplifier naturally captured and designed in such a way (artificial) as part of the property. To avoid misunderstanding about the size, color, makeup, and the number of Furnished in a set, reconfirmation with director and stylist photography.
*        Property, including costumes, makeup, and all the equipment necessary to more natural and gives the impression of dramatic stories to be recorded through camera or outside the camera frame, including all the equipment and supplies manufacturing necessary.
*        Effects, including image effects, sound, light, transition time, to special effects
animation designed a computer program to make it more to give the impression dramatic story.

II.  The Implementation of Cinematography in Learning Technology

Cinematography as a discipline of applied science seems unnecessary doubt. Existence is even more visible in the current era of digital multimedia. Cinematography literally defined as the study of engineering or the arts in making motion pictures (film making), but it did not stop the things that are technical. More than that, the cinematography is explained fundamentally, why a certain shooting techniques should be taken? What method? What purpose?

Character of this science is one reason of cinematography in Educational Technology Studies Program curriculum S1 in the Faculty of Education (FIP) UNY today. By understanding let alone able to master the cinematographic skills, the opportunity for someone to develop a career in the field of educational technology or learning will be more wide open.

In short, cinematographic skills are not only required by those who will develop media products in the form of a film or video, but also needed by those who will develop the computer-based multimedia products more optimally. This has occurred in multimedia products that exist today in the form of animated films, video game entertainment, and video games for learning.

Through basic skills cinematographic still wide open opportunities to develop products Educational Technology either film or video learning by presenting a variety of forms and formats with respect to the rules or principles of learning, learning objectives, characteristics of the prospective audience or its user and infrastructure conditions of learning will be applied.

It seems it would be very easy to be realized when there is the will and commitment of all parties to continue to support creativity in the work. As the proverb says where there's a will there must be a way, and where there is no willingness sure there is only "reason".
May we always be facilitated in their work so that they can continue to provide benefits for others.


 Lisa thinks dream is something what she want and hope it come true. And her dreams is wanted to be a teacher like her parents. She will teach her student, give the student educations, because teacher is honorable work. And her other dream is meeting her idols, she extremely met “BLINK”. To make her dreams come true, she was joining to FKIP Untan.

 In FKIP Untan, she said she’ll study to become a  good teacher. And for the second dream, she doesn’t know what must she does to make it come true. Maybe she must to go to Jakarta. If she could be a teacher, she will commit to teach her student well, and for the second dream, she’ll take a photo with them and she will invite them to dinner with her. But if everything not same as her hopes, she’ll keep to fight to make her dreams comes true. All of her dreams make her be happy, especially teaching is her dreams since she was in elementary.  And met her idols can make her be happy, too. She has a tip to get a dream to be a teacher is we must to study hard. Especially, for someone we loved, like the motivator. Her mom is her big motivator. Her mom is a good woman, because her  mother  always support her  to make her dream to be a teacher comes true.


If you want a vacation to Germany, there are some things you must know, especially about the geographical and tourism place that visited by many tourists. Germany is located in the continent of Europe and bordered by the North Sea, Denmark, and the Baltic Sea in the north; Poland and the Czech Republic in the east; Austria and Switzerland in the south; France, Luxembourg, Belgium, and Holland in the west.

In Germany there are some cities that are frequented by tourists such as: Berlin, Frankfurt, Munich, and Stuttgart. Berlin is the capital of Germany. Berlin is famous for "The Berlin Wall" that had split the city into two parts: West Berlin and East Berlin. And now Berlin into surge for tourists who love shopping and arts enthusiasts, both fine arts, theater arts and film. Frankfurt is a city famous for its international exhibition center, especially the book fair and its motor show. In this city there are also many museums and theaters. Munich is famous with Oktoberfest that very interesting and visited by many tourists. And Munich is one of the routes to the Alps. While Stuttgart is a prosperous city in southern Germany and it is very famous for automotive industry such as Mercedes and Porsche factory. There can be no doubt that Germany is an interesting country to visit when we have opportunity to holiday abroad.

EURO 2012

The euro is the biggest feast of football in Europe, held by UEFA. This event is always held every four years and this year is the fourteenth time. In this year, Euro 2012 held in two different but neighboring countries, namely Poland and Ukraine. Participants and the team will fly to Poland and Ukraine in order to undergo a game that will suck up the attention of various circles of society. (need one or two more sentences to elaborate ‘the biggest feast” and to elaborate the sentence underlined)

As the host, Poland and Ukraine have prepared everything to welcome the biggest football party in Europe. Starting from the decorations along the way even to fix the stadium, and also expand capacity in order to accommodate the number of spectators who will come to watch their favorite teams compete to become the number one team in Europe.

In Poland, has prepared four stadiums that can accommodate over 40,000 spectators. The first is WARSAWA NATIONAL STADIUM which is where the opening of the EURO 2012 has a capacity of 58.500 seats. PGE ARENA GDANSK stadium has a seating capacity of as much as 43.600. While MIEJSKI WROCLAW stadium has a capacity of 42.800 seats . And the fourth is MIEJSKI POZNAN STADIUM has a capacity of 43 300 spectator seats.

In Ukraine is equally great in preparing for the four best stadiums. The first stadium is ARENA STADIUM LIV can only hold 30,000 seats of the audience and METALIST KHARKIV STADIUM could accommodate as many as 35,000 spectator seats, but the stadium will present a fierce game of Group B or better known as the group of death because it is inhabited by teams great country in the world of football such as, Dutch, German, Denmark, and Portugal. While STADIUM DONBASS ARENA DONESTK which is the headquarters of one of the major club football SHAKTAR Donetsk have 50.000 seats. And the last is the largest stadium, KIEV OLYMPIC STADIUM and also has the largest seating capacity with 60.000 spectator seats. This stadium by FIFA has set as a four star stadium as seen from various sides, said the stadium is almost close to perfect. In the KIEV OLYMPIC STADIUM will also held Final Match, as well as the closure of EURO 2012.

In the event of continental Europe, the supporters are willing to come from far away just to see the game of their favorite teams or players are their idols. In this year, very much favor the German football enthusiast who would go on to win Euro 2012. German made as a well-deserved one of the favorite candidates win, because the whole team German is filled by great players who play in big clubs like Real Madrid, Bayern Munich, Borussia Dortmund, Bayer Leverkusen, Lazio, Schalke, and Arsenal. They have a very good quality games from different sides, whether it is the striker, midfielder, defender, and the goal keeper. Therefore, no doubt, German team has a great opportunity to become champions.

In addition to supporting their favorite teams are competing in Euro 2012, not infrequently also to some supporters who did idolize a player. There's even a Web site that categorizes some of the players as footballers do not just have a good skill, but also has a handsome face like Karim Benzema from France, Matt Hummels from Germany, and Christiano Ronaldo of Portugal. For me personally, I prefer Mesut Ozil from Germany, Ibrahim Afellay from the Netherlands, and Samir Nasri of France. They deserve to be idolized not only because it has great skill but they have a wonderful spirit.

On various Internet sites say that they are a lot of ball players who are a great islam, like Mesut Ozil, a player who is known as a player who is very calm but has a remarkable game that is claimed to always pray or read a few verses of the Qur'an before compete, so they can make it look vibrant but calm. Ibrahim Afellay is almost spent one season playing football because the injury, but never give in to provide the best for his club Barcelona and his country, Netherland. In addition Samir Nasri on the blasphemy that many people because of the accusations that the reason to leave his club Arsenal and move to Manchester City, one of the richest clubs in England, because the money factor. However, Samir is able to prove that the allegations were not true. Samir continues to practice and attempted to improve his game until he can win the Premier League title with Manchester City, his new club.
Euro 2012 event taking place in Poland and Ukraine will expire on July 1 2012, all the supporters who are still competing teams would be more in the spirit of giving support to his team to become champions and the name of nation and state.


Korean fever attacked the young people around the world. They are fond of anything related to Korea. Start of a beautiful language, typical food, drama movie, tastes dresses, and Korean music is very creative with the display boy band and girl bands consisting of handsome guys and beautiful girls. Attract so many young people from around the world to come to Korea to do things, starting from trying their luck to become one of the stars in Korea, study in Korea, or just a walk to enjoy the beauty of the country known as the country's ginger extract.

            Part of the continent of Asia, Indonesia, Singapore, Thailand became the State's largest supplier to the Korean fans. While parts of the State of the Continent, the young French, Dutch, and German is equally great in the show a sense of joy in Korea, they are even willing to come to Korea just to see the Idol them up close. American and Canadian who are allies of South Korea military, also never hesitated to support Korea in any case, whether military or music. Korean fever is really become an epidemic in the world.

#RINA #StillLearning #EssayWriting1 

EW2: Role of The Teacher and Parents Educating Children

Role of The Teacher and Parents Educating Children

Education for me is the challenge to serve people with the knowledge that I have. Especially for children, because they are the youngest age can pervade any knowledge from the environment easily. In democratic societies, people believe that all individuals in the world have the same opportunities to develop their potential, include the children. In this part, the teacher can develop the children intelligence potential through educating them in the school and the parents can develop their children intelligence potential also, moreover, it would be better if the teacher and parents together in developing the children intelligence potential.
In Parents and Teachers: Strategies for Working Together Article, Mrs. By Andrea Canter, Ph.D., NCSP said that “Home and school—everyone shares the goal of helping children learn and feel successful.” Some researches has proven that when parents and teachers work together, the students will get some benefits such as, students tend to earn higher grades, perform better on tests, attend school more regularly, have better behaviour, and show more positive attitudes toward themselves and toward school.
The teacher can teach students with materials and the interesting technique, such as Role Play, Drama, etc. Role Play is one of the interesting techniques, where the students should act like someone else. It is almost similar to Drama technique. Using the interesting technique like those two techniques, teacher can teach the students characters building and also, it will help the students to pay attention to their focus on study. Teacher should control the progress of the students, where the capability of the student exactly. When the teacher found it, it will help the teacher to overcome the situation. So teacher can adapt the technique to teach the students and make the lesson interesting. It will make the students interesting in learning and they can get a higher grades, enthusiastic attend school because the students like the subject and the teacher ways when teach them.
At home, the parents can educate their children also. When the children at home, the parents can control their progress on school like check their score in exercises book, or the children tell their parents directly. When their children tell the story about their school, parents should listen them, pay them attention to show that their parents listen them. It is not enough until here, because sometimes the children afraid to tell everything the truth to their parents. The parents should be active to ask their teacher about the situation of their children when they are in school. Parents also can tell their children which the good thing and which one is not, smoothly. The parents are forbidden telling their children roughly, the teacher also.
If the teacher or the parents teach the children roughly, it will give some bad effect for the children itself. Eric Hanushek, an economist at Stanford, estimates that “the students of a very bad teacher will learn, on average, half a year’s worth of material in one school year”. Personally I agree with what Eric Hanushek said. When teacher teach their student roughly is same with teach the student badly. It will give bad impact to the students such as, lower grades, lazy attend school even the students will absent from class. Those things happen just because the teacher teaches them roughly or badly. They do not have passion to study. As well as the parents, sometimes when their children get poor grades, the parents angry to them like do not want to know the reason why they got a poor grades, or sometimes they get a poor grade, but the parents just let it slide, like the parents do not care about their children, it will make them feel bad also.
So, in educating children should helped by the role of the teacher work together with the parents to get good result. It will not make the parents and the teacher proud of the children itself, but the students itself proud of themselves. It will increase passion of the students to study more and more, to be good student, to be good children that can make their parents proud of them, even all people proud of them. (@rinaranmouri)

Website Link :
1.      Global Post.Com



In this world, each person must have a dream. Dreams that are really want to become real. Dream to have a better life and improve the future. Giving the happiness the people we love. So the people we love can feel proud of us. But, for all it's worth, it is not an easy thing to make it happen. Sometimes the ways to through is like a steep and difficult to pass. Even tears certainly also be a faithful companion present to treat any grief, sorrow, and the disappointment as well. The most painful and frustrating is when we are faced with a choice that did not want us to select none. When we chose it feels like there is a big hammer that hit the chest that make it hard to breathe. Like the unconscious to the decision that we choose, wanna change but we can’t, because we have chosen. All the painful choice, whatever the chosen will remain painful for us, but we might not be selfish and only think about ourselves. That's why I chose that option actually I do not want to choose, but I am sure it is the best option to be chosen. This is my story, my choices ... I'm with all my heart chose not to be selfish and think only about me ... This is me and my story ... I'll never forget this story whole of my life.
(9 years ago, 2006)
“Irina!” someone, the girls in her school uniform called me.
“Hi Lisa!” I greet her back and we walk together.
“What will you do after high school?” she asked me.
“I will move to Jakarta.”
“Alone? How about your mother and your brother?” the curiosity was happening.
“We all will be moved.” I said
“Wow ... what would you do there? Studying? Or working?” Lisa asked me again
“I want to do both.” I answered her questions simply
“Do you have family there?”
“Yes, why?”
“Then you will easily there, you can get a job easily because certainly there are people who will help you." She just delivered het thought but I dislike it.
Listen to Lisa’s statement made me ​​smirked and asked. “Are you always like that? Are you just relying on someone else? I know how my family lives there, they were all busy with their own business and they would not have time just to find me a job.”
“Sorry, I just think that having someone we already know at least it's easier than do not have people we know there.” Lisa explained
Now, I smile more sincerely. “It’s okay, what did you say is true as well. Some people think the same way as you”
“By the way, when you were a child, you also live there, right?” Lisa asked me again and again. Actually she is my best friend in Senior High School, but she little bit fussy, but no hard feeling between us, just be honest, and enjoy our friendship.
“Yes, as you know, but not too long. Only two years.”
“You definitely cannot wait to go there again, right.”
“Yes, you know me well. I cannot wait any longer.”
“I will miss you, my friend.” she hugged me.
“I will miss you too, but don’t hug me, please. I don’t want people will misunderstanding about us.”
My mom’s cell phone rang. My mom got called from my aunt in Pontianak. At that time I still did not have my own mobile phone. I answered the call.
“Have you arrived in Jakarta?”My aunt asks me
“Yes we are, if not how I answer the call.”I answered and tried to make a joke though it’s not funny as well.
“You're fine, right?” My aunt asked me again.
“Yes we are fine.” I know that my aunt must be very much worry about us at that time.
“Keep yourself well, take care of your health, if there is anything you need or just call me, you can tell me anything.” My lovely aunt keep fussy anytime anywhere even on the phone.
“Alright, don’t too worry, we’re fine here. We’ll call you later, bye.” I immediately hang up the phone before my aunt speaks even longer. I know in my hometown, Pontianak, my aunt will always help me but at that time was a different situation and we had so far the distance. The distance between us and the place where my aunt lived very far away, separated by the sea which can only be reached by a plane or a big ship.
Next day was my first day in college and also modelling school. I studied at the Academy of Tourism Jakarta International Hotel where located in the Sudirman area. Moreover after college I followed a modelling school in at Jalan Gatot Subroto. In both places I was well received, and they were, my new friends, it was very easy to recognize me, from my accent of Malay and they said that I have a unique face. Even they thought I was so funny, whether because of my accent or the way I dress. My style look old-fashioned for them and they were very fashionable.
Our days were very simplicity life. Staying in a rented house with two rooms that quite nice with porcelain floors. However, our finances from the sale of our house in Pontianak dwindling. I didn’t get a part time job yet and my mom has not found a job too, while my brother who lacking in terms of reading and writing can only keep the home for me and my mother when we were not at home. My mother always took me to the campus and picked me up then. After that from college my mom drove me to the modelling school and waiting me until the session was complete.
I began to feel an imbalance in my life. Imbalance between reality and the dream that I wanna be, but my mother always strengthen me to endure and convinced me that I could achieve my dreams.
One day, everything we have done seems to be in vain. Who could resist if God gives a warning in life? Even at that time we had to prepare for that, but who would have thought if that happened beyond what is expected. Our rented house that didn’t too high was sinking and invisible, even the highest part of the roof of the house was already gone.
Initially, the embankment to retaining the rain that shipment from Bogor was just cracked and surrounding communities have started to worry that it will become more severe. Finally, the embankment cannot retaining the rainwater that shipment from Bogor so suddenly collapsed and instantaneous water like a tsunami and hit our house. We have taken refuge in a neighbour's house that has a place higher than our home. We just able to see the house that we lived it was gone, any goods can no longer be saved unless the items that have previously been saved since the furore about the cracks - cracks in the dike.
Three nights four days we occupy the upper level of our neighbour's house. Dark, there was no electricity. Only when accompanied by candles at night, it was also our subs just survive by eating instant noodles. Food brought by rescuer team did not even get into our hands, because of the distance we were indeed very difficult to reach. Even if the food was up to us, unfortunately, the food was stale and inedible.
Guilt began to infiltrate my heart. I wish I did not have the desire to become an actress, so we would not be like in the difficult situation. Since then, I realized many things. Dreaming is painful, because the reality is even more painful. I originally wished her happy, my mom, and make her proud of me. In fact I was the one who becomes a source of suffering for her. I have destroyed the life she built painstakingly. My mother had to lose the house that she built with gathered money little by little with all her labor. At that moment I realized ...          I am who made ​​her suffer.
Not finished until there, after 3 days the water started to recede but the mud remains very high, we tried to walk through the mud with energy left to look for items that if it is still worth to be saved. My mother is very strong to survive for the sake of me and my brother soon found a new place for us.
After getting a new rented house, I will plan to go to college again. Amid the rain that still has not dry, my mom and I headed to the campus used bike belonged to my mother. She looked very concerned with how I was doing. My mother knew that if I just tried to strengthen myself. Finally she decided to go back home and not drove me to the campus. Arriving home my body is getting weaker droop. Between conscious and not, I saw my mother, she panics even to cry. She was very afraid of something happening to me, but to go to the hospital was not possible, because we do not have enough money. My mother made ​​various efforts as much as possible for me, even my mother also tried to ask the neighbours if there are the doctors around near where we live. The neighbour was telling my mom that there was a doctor, woman doctor, who lived in nearby our stay, and advised my mother to take me to the doctor.
My mother took me to the doctor immediately. My mother who is skinny but has tremendous power may be able to carry me, but I felt that I was able to strengthen myself to walk. I do not want to bother my mom, I'll do what I can do because I've had so much to make her suffer .
Although staggered and very slow but I'm still trying to run as hard as my strength to restraints by my mother. In front of the doctor I said all that I feel in my body. But the doctor's words were at least quite a relief.
She said, "There's nothing, really, it's just your heartburn already acute, if allowed to continue and not brought here, maybe you could go to the hospital. Do not eat instant noodles a lot, okay? It's not good for you.” In my mind, if I didn’t eat those instant noodles, maybe I can die because of famine in three days of that tragedy.
“It’s because we do not get the food supply when flood tragedy so there was no food, just there was the instant noodles, so for three days we only eat the instant noodles, even the rescuer team difficult to reach the place where we wrere stay." My mother started telling bad experience recently our experienced.
After taking medicine from doctor, my health began to improve, but the problem seemed without stop. Maybe because it was too tired and had to survive on the verge of his limits. My mother fell ill. I'm freaking awesome. My world, my dreams, my wishes as any all collapsed, lost, no longer I thought. All I wanted was just one, I want my mother recovered. With all my limitations, my fears, I took care of my mother's inability under the guidance of my mother. Sometimes I ask, "What part of the sick, mom? Show me, where? Let me help you"
"No, I already feel better anyway. You, just take a rest, you're also in recovery." She said. I know my mother must have felt ill and felt that her body too weakened. Perhaps her power is exhausted, tired, over what has happened to us.
In between taking care of my mother, I was only able to dissolve in tears and prayed to God to heal her. I was really scared. Tremendous fear that I never felt before. I was so afraid. I understand what my mother felt when I was sick at the time. Perhaps what was felt by my mother over than what I feel, but I'm sure my mother is more powerful and strong than me. I was really scared. In this capital of country, I don’t have the closest family, nobody’s here. No one. I was getting scared. Only the extremely fearless that I felt. I cried badly, even I find it hard to breathe because of crying. I cried silently, because I do not want my mother to hear me cry. I do not want to make her worry and most importantly I do not want to burden her anymore. I wish my mother a speedy recovery. After the sufferings I had created for my mother I feel if something happens to me my mother would be fine, but if on the contrary, it cannot be imagined. So I'm also going to die at that time.
But God is Most Great and my mother's was tough, the next day my mom situation gradually improved. Millions of gratitude I prayed, I really cannot say anything. In my heart, feel the true happiness beyond measured, cannot be expressed in words.
The next day, while relaxing, suddenly slid the words of my mouth that makes her stunned. I said, "Mom, I want to return to Pontianak." Without thinking my words too long, my mother agreed, "Well, if you feel better that way." Maybe because it was my mother was worried about my health that I actually have not recovered 100%. I also promised my mother that I would work hard, no need to think about college at that time.
And finally we return. We stayed at my aunt's house that had always helped me. He is the sister of my mother. Even though she's one of the kin, it does not necessarily make us feel comfortable to live aboard to stay with her. I even blamed myself for what happened to the people around me. I often write in my favourite diary. I wrote what I feel, what cannot be expressed, including feelings of guilt for what happened on us. It shocked me most was when I discovered that the diary which I had was often painted by someone, my mother. My mother wrote "YOU’RE THE ONE WHO MADE US SUFFER”. At that time, the moment seemed to freeze, to stop, I know it were correct, even I know if all of this is indeed because of me, but I still cannot believe why when the words were issued by my own mother feels like as I have given a sharp sword to the person I love to poke me, but I do not believe that she would actually thrust. Finally my mother feeling that she had actually put out, so far she has been to contain his feelings, she may really struck me after finding my diary. Since that time I felt there was nothing else will protect me. My tears would not be stopped. My mother continued to show his disappointment to me. I can accept and understand all of it with nothing to do but pray to the Lord.
At that time I also worked at the largest mall in the city of Pontianak, despite only being a beauty advisor. There I met many new people from all walks of life. Including one of the manager that known to be quite good, but not good enough in my eyes. One day I was really angry at him even so sick and tired cannot vent anger at the manager, I could just cry.
"What happened Rin? Why? You really do not like Mr.Armand, he is still quite young, had a good career, rich man, and he was also deeply religious, very good man." said Tia, one of my friends at work.
"What? Good? Someone can we judge as a good man if he was brave, not a loser."
“What do you mean?” Tia felt curious.
“My aunt told me, yesterday he came to my house and met my mother. During this time he was curious where I live because I do not ever give anyone know where I live. But since I held the little party and he came too, so he knew where I lived, but I not have thought when he came again to m aunt’s house. That is why I do not like him, he came when I wasn’t at home, even though he knew I was on duty.” I said.
“Maybe he tried to take your mother’s heart so he can steal your heart and people say if you want her girl you need to approach her mother.” Tia said.
I laughed when I heard Tia’s words. "Hehe ... but it's not applicable to me, even though my mom really likes him, but I'll never like him. And especially after such a manner"
“Don’t be like that, how if you who chased him later?” Tia starts to scary me.
“Tia, I've been through the most difficult and painful way, because of that I know how it should determine the path of my life, no one else is doing this, but me, only me. So whatever it is my decision, I will be responsible for it. And one more thing, I'm not one to be tempted by another man's treasure, I'd rather try and fight to get what I want with the results of my labor alone." I explained to Tia and she got surprised.
“Wow, I like your style, keep Fighting then.”Tia supports my choice, my words. I just smiled at Tia when she showed her admiration.
Day by day, I am aware that being an adult is not easy, but I also realize that maturity is not measured by age, but how do we deal with something, struggling for life and responsible for the choices we make in order to create the happiness. But sometimes it is not our own happiness makes us happy, sometimes we want to make others happy, regardless of our own hearts and feelings. Are we happy? At least we have the smile that we got from people that we make them be happy, it is like a little bit of fresh air for us to breathe.
I know, life is a struggle that will never stop until we die. Therefore, after a year I became a beauty advisor in Pontianak, I decided to arrange my move to Jakarta, became a beauty advisor in Jakarta. Finally, I, and my mother decided that we would go back to Jakarta. Never stop to struggle and keep trying. It’s my life, my choice, at that time, our choice.
I, we arrived in this town again, but this time there are some differences. I no longer come to college but this time to continue my work as a beauty advisor. My mom and I also rented a house close to where I work, it is small but it is enough for me, my mother and my brother.
Being a new employee in a new place, I got new friends. I think they were friendly enough. Unfortunately, my partner was gay. It's my first time made friends with a gay. I have no problem with it. I just focus on what I want to do and did not think much about the things that are not important to me. This new place, though I tried to focus on things that are important only to me, there is still a role of antagonist that is always trying to make me cry. This time one of the famous supervisor likes to torture people, Mrs. Sri, she made me cry for no apparent reason. When it turned out there was an inspection of the regional manager of Greater Jakarta, and he saw me crying. He came up to me, and I met him, his name Mr.Yoseph. He was a good man. Since then, strange gossip-gossip began to circulate, but I do not care. I'm Irina, I just focus on what I should pursue, but it does not mean I'm ignoring the existing circumstances. I just do not want to care about the things that make me more stress. Even when I was selected as one of the winners in the selection of the best employees, I do not think much about the gossip-gossip about growing increasingly wild.
When in an interview when selecting the best employees, I just answered as best as I can, what I can, and all of it honestly and sincerely I do. At that time the most important thing is not to be the winner, but the most important is what I get then. An advice that I will remember forever, Mr. Yoseph said to me... "Being successful is not easy, and when we succeed, 99 % of people do not like it, but keep your spirit on the way that you choose." those words were very meaningful to me, not the most precious gift of this competition, those words is the greatest gift which is always I remembered whenever .
After a year I worked as a beauty advisor, I began start to be brave back to follow the audition of modelling show in a tabloid. Just at that time I only reached the stage of semi- finalists, but it was one of the first steps into the world a new, world entertainment. When my time was free and was getting a turn off, so I'm going to try my lucky in the entertainment world to come to various production houses for entering my data and do direct casting if it were open casting session on that day.
Since that time I also met with many agencies and from them I got various casting info for advertising and others. Quite often I also get information from TV, magazines or tabloids. Even before I had a chance to audition Miss Celebrity in one of the TV station, I even asked for an interview with one of the well-known infotainment. I love it. When my friends at work asked, if it was me? I simply replied... " Aahhh , it 's just the resemble of my face, she’s not me."
"Are you sure?" the employers that asked me look like do not believe in me.
“Ho oh, it seems the real you, I watched it that show on TV.” One of them preety sure if that person was me.
Actually, I'm glad to hear that they watched and realized it was me , but I was too embarrassed to show them one of my goals coming into this capital city, not just because of my job, but in fact, I want to continue my dream deferred. My mom wants me to continue my dream. However, this time is also not enough to be better than yesterday.
The first time I escaped casting and in calling for the shooting, I did a mistake. I should not have decided to stop working. I know it is my fault, and it is present always regret at the behind. Since that time my new world begins. The world I dreamed, a job that I think easy to do, but not in reality. I really started all from scratch. Bids for shooting start often arrive, but it was not sufficient for finance for our lives.
My mother is always with me wherever I keep shooting and my brother home. The income that I get from my new job is not worth as the salary for being a beauty advisor, but I have always thought that this difficulty is a struggle to achieve success. I always think like that, just it the thing that I thought, maybe even I almost closed my eyes from the circumstances around me.
For a year I fought in the entertainment world. I follow any casting, but the results did not like what I was expecting. My mom and I took a bus down anywhere, ride motorcycles what we called “OJEK” or we used BAJAJ, all of public transport in the capital was used to take a trip. I accept all bids shooting so I can get revenue for our needs, for our life. I already do not care anymore it's a role or just a walk-on role that is just passing through. I'm getting stuck in a situation and options.
Needs of our lives, the cost of the trip even made me more frustrated. And the culmination of all the frustration that made ​​me do a big decision, the decision that I never imagined before.
At that time, my brother had sent home to Pontianak. My brother who has been protested and always looked fine was also frustrated with our condition, because of that, my mother sent him back to Pontianak. From that time there lived two of us, me and my mother.
A variety of circumstances we've been through, we've experienced a variety of flavours, sadness, joy, disappointment and we share those feelings. Anger, tears and laughter after another but the third thing I mentioned, there is not quite often present among us, which is most often present only anger and tears, especially after my brother was not with us. The last feelings of guilt are back, it wound back gaping and getting worse. My mother must have felt lonely and guilty for sending my brother back to Pontianak.
My mother is almost never parted with my brother. Unlike me , I've been living separately with my mother, as a child when my parents divorced for a few months I lived with my father without my mother, until she came back and took me to live with her. When I graduated from elementary school, I lived in a dorm for six years until I was in senior high school. So I am quite used to own, but more mature, my mother even more protect me. But it's a long story, not the story I want to tell in detail on this story.
This story has no end of happy or wonderful but for forever I'll never forget in my life. After trying a hundred times casting including casting of ads, for the first time I made ​​it through the casting and getting a bid advertisement. I vividly recall, at the time I made ​​it through a casting fast food products from Japan. Maybe because my face is very oriental, that's why I got it away. But it was not any part of this most important of all.
The most important and memorable was when my mom was mad at me and told me that I was the source of his suffering. If the first time my mother still writes it down in my diary, this time my mom immediately said with her own mouth. I, again, like being stabbed by his own mother with a sword wound right in the first, previous injuries, which sometimes still hurt and sore, but this time it was punctured again at the same place, this time even my own mother did it right in front of my eyes, before me. I, do not know what I think, when it all seemed dark and empty. I could not cry at the time, while in front, really cannot. I kept ringing her words... forever.
"If not for your ambition is, I'm not going to be like this. In my life, I have to hard work, but I never do not eat. But this time you're making me like this. If in Pontianak I definitely would not like this." Her words like a sword for me that killing me.
Since those words from the lips of my mother, I've decided one big thing. Things I never thought I'd do, I never thought this way eventually.
When my fee from commercials of fast food products from Japan ad it out. I ask my mother, "Mom, so do you really want to go home?"
"Up to you." My mother is like reversing the decision to me. I know actually my mom really wanted back to Pontianak, but she might try not to be selfish, and think about me as well, she may also wish to think about me. I also tried to understand as possible when my mother was angry and hungry, because we do not have any money, no food supplies, and most make my mother angry and embarrassed because I asked my aunt's aid in Pontianak to transmit me a bit money.
But because of the words that have been out of her lips that has really stuck in my heart and in my mind, I too have decided a major case.
"Mom, what do you want actually, just tell me, I’ll be okay. If you want to go home so we’ll go home. Yesterday you want to go home, right?. Then it's decided. We return to Pontianak, tomorrow we take care of everything and buy the tickets to go home."
I've done it. The first time, I decided a big decision in my life. The first time, I stand firm to my mother. In my heart I truly apologize to my mother, my heart also ... I actually cried.
That day I threw all my pride, selfishness, desire, ambition, I left something very big for me. I left my dreams. Dreams of become an actress and the professional entertainer. I do not want to be a selfish. I wanna be bad daughter who only think about only myself. Since then I closed my book, and I said this is the end of my story, my dream. For me, dream isn’t a dream, when the dream just made the people we love suffer in their life. What I feel will always be a secret in my heart. I just spoke to my heart. And only my heart and God that only knows what I feel. Only God and my heart also knows that if I say ... "Mom, I'm so sorry, if I make you suffer, I promise after this, I'll just make you smile, I will strive for it, whatever you want me to do, surely I will do my best. Mom, I believe God is just and wise. From now on, I only want to be a good daughter who can make you proud of me. I believe God has a plan that is more beautiful to me. Mom, maybe you hate me but I love you and love you more than anything. Someday, I’ll make you happy and remember me as your little daughter, because I’m Irina”

The End

Based on True Story of the Author

Ig: rinaranmouri